Losing Faith

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Friday, August 29, 2014
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  • 0 Comments

Losing Faith

I posted on Facebook this morning my definition of faith.
I wrote, ” the ability to believe something you cannot see, except in miracles.  When it is lost, you can find it more easily by remembering the miracles you have been witness to. ”

I have had a summer of a roller coaster ride, not the fun ones at the theme parks, but one of the most difficult for me, physical then leading to emotional crumbing.
 Not pretty, not fun for any of us. I too, want at times to crawl into a cave and return when all is well.  I actually do this . It is a saving grace for me, although it is a painful process.

But, I find my way back out. Reclaim what I know about me, about life. I don’t give up no matter what. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would not until my life is ending.

I lose my way, like everyone else. I find it again, sometimes only for a moment. I keep looking for that grounding that gives me the ability to share my life with you.

A New Chapter Starts!

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Tuesday, June 10, 2014
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  • 1 Comments

Blog-  June 10, 2014

7 years have passed as of today! I have transformed my life into something so much more amazing  than I ever could have known! This previous blog is one of my favorites, so I thought I would post it again. I originally wrote and posted it on March 26, 2013. Enjoy!

What If?

What if the only thing that mattered was your happiness? What if you  choose to be here, just for the experiences, both negative and positive? What if we knew all of this and actually wanted to experience these events? 

What if we knew that we had the strength needed, resources available , support of others, to successfully overcome all of the challenges and the self esteem to relish in the goodness too? Too far fetched? I don’t think so.

For the last 3 years, this has carried me forward. Taking full responsibility for my choices has given me  great strength to reach my goals. It has given me the happiness I so wanted, regardless of what is happening at the moment.

This feels like true freedom to me. Freedom to live like you mean it and know in my heart, I can choose to control a lot of my life, myself.

Listen. Listen to the you that is deep within. Listen to that one. The you that knows.

Update

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Friday, June 6, 2014
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  • 2 Comments

I have had a lot happening these past six months.  I do believe that, although my challenges are never over, the most difficult ones have passed. The challenges in the future may be as challenging, but I have the accomplishments and security now, that I gained through my efforts.

I must admit, it has been one of my most difficult times . My narcotic withdrawal alone, kicked my butt to the point I actually questioned whether or not I would be able to really move forward. I was fearful at times that my physical body would not improve and my scar pain would remain.  

But, I keep going. I find the strength because I truly believe that anything is possible for me if I can grow, or evolve towards what I want. I sometimes have to keep looking, consciously for ways to accomplish my goals. When you truly believe your existence is intentional, all of it, there is a strong force to keep going. It is incredibly rewarding to reach a huge goal!

If I could bottle it and give it away, I would!

Awareness Fosters Growth

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Friday, February 28, 2014
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  • 1 Comments

We all perceive our experiences differently, based on our past, and amount other things, personality and emotional abilities.  But what is old patterns and getting stuck really about?
With all of the places I have had to go, I have learned this for myself.  You have to want to change, first of all, you need to recognize how you feel.  We tend to do the same things, think the same way, and see the same things.  Being aware leaves the door for changes that can only make your experiences and life better.

Why don’t we just do it then?  Because most do not know how to successfully maneuver through the difficult emotional times. I want to see that change in the way we raise our children, so therefore, I will do my best to make those changes first. 

It can be extremely painful to see yourself for who you are being at the moment. That is not who you really are.  We are so much more magnificent then we know. To find this out, you must take a real honest look at how you treat yourself and others. I believe we create everything in our lives, obviously not all consciously .

Break old stuck patterns by contemplating who you are being and who you have been.  There is always improvement for everyone, yes, all the time.

One of My Longest Battles

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Friday, January 17, 2014
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  • 3 Comments

Last July, I started to wean myself off from a heavy amount of narcotics. I had been on MS Contin and Oxycodone since my injury. Previous attempts at getting off was not working, as my neck pain was a constant problem.

I chose not to talk about this until the day came when I had received my face and therefore removing my neck pain. It was one of the biggest factors in me wanting a face transplant. I am happy to say that day has come.

Weaning off the MS Contin, went pretty easy, as it took several months. But, when October came and I was able to cut my Oxycodone dose in half, I hit a tough spot. I weaned too quickly and rebounded into not only feeling terrible, but dealing with a major depression I had never experienced before.

Through the month of October and November , through the New York Times article and being on Katic Couric, it was all I could do to keep myself sane.

I hit bottom mid November and ended going to DHMC psych unit to help me get off the rest of the dose.  My anti-rejection level on one of my meds, went sky high and I could barely keep my balance while walking. It truly was one of the most difficult times for me in the last 6 or so years. It is the reason people did not hear a lot from me.

I plan to talk in more detail about this experience in my second book and during my speaking opportunities. It certainly gave me a new perspective  . One I wish never to repeat. Another challenge overcome, another reason to be grateful!

Welcome New Year

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Monday, January 13, 2014
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  • 0 Comments

I am excited to see what the New Year brings! Of course I am expecting this year to be even better than last. When things are going well, they only get better and better. That is why it is hard for me sometimes to  display patience when things are more difficult at the moment.

I am so appreciative of being able to go to England last week. We had a great time, as well as a few challenges! I can tell you I was impressed with their socialized healthcare, as a former nurse. Sheldon ended up in the ER with a severe bloody nose. It delayed our return, but that was ok.

The tv show, “This Morning”, went well.. All of the people were so nice and accimidating. Overall, a great experience and I will be doing a BBC radio interview soon.

Great start to a great,  fun-filled year for all of us.

What a Difference a Year Makes

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Wednesday, December 18, 2013
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  • 0 Comments

A year ago, I met Sheldon. It was a cold December day and I remember being nervous about going to that first music lesson. I had remembered to tell the owner, Doug, that I was legally blind but was not sure how my new teacher would be with it.

I sat in the waiting area with Mom, and then realized, like I usually did, about him seeing my disfigured face for the first time. Hoping he would be comfortable and not too distracted. When he said my name, I turned around and stuck out my hand and said hello. He was surprised, but he didn’t really miss a beat. We started talking about what I had for vision, what had happened to me.

What a difference a year can make!
I walked into the love of my life, a new face, a published first book, my speaking opportunities evolving, playing music, and all the wonderful people I have met along the way.

This has been one of my toughest years, but the rewards have been grand and so worth it! I am looking forward to 2014, starting the year off right, going to London , with Sheldon, to be on their morning show in early January. My life is good! Stay focused on the good in your life, it brings you so much of what you are wanting.

Happy Holidays!!

Recent Past

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Wednesday, December 11, 2013
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  • 1 Comments

I am so happy the holidays are coming! They always give me something to think about.

These last couple of months have been a significant struggle for me, unlike the ones of the past.  I was on narcotics for more than six years, since my injury, and knew that the day would come to get off them.

I also knew that I would have to wait until I had my face transplant , as the pain in my neck was too great to wean off any earlier.  It was the most difficult thing I have done in quite awhile. Not only did I feel miserable, but slid into a unexpected depression. The depression was the hardest for me, as I had plenty of great things happening, but could not get rid of the blues and insecurities of things never getting better .

Now I have a whole new appreciation and perspective of depression and those caught in it. A difficult place to be for a long period of time.
I am back, feeling better than ever and yes, Sheldon survived this round as well. He certainly surprises me sometimes and I am grateful to have him and my family with me.

Connection

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Monday, October 7, 2013
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  • 2 Comments

I know now after going to one of the most negative places possible, while still remaining alive, that I can now go to my heaven on earth. There is nothing to lose, only joy to gain and it only comes from within me.

I have complete control to make choices that lead me to happiness or not. When you know this and take full responsibility for being here, it gives you an incredible amount of confidence and security.  We don’t stay in this place always, as falling out of place let’s me know that I can get back there, I have so many times before.

Using negative events to your advantage, to propel you to the next place in your life, is what we came for. Evolving and expanding with joy and happiness is the essences of who we are. No big mystery really, we have only forgot to remember once here. 

Growth is Change

  • By Carmen Tarleton
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  • Thursday, October 3, 2013
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  • 1 Comments

It has been about 7 months since I had my face transplant and it has been a wild ride! I don’t yet feel it is “my face”. I feel like I am still borrowing it from her. It is a strange feeling, sometimes overwhelming, that is also difficult to explain.

I know over time, things will continue to change and when I have grown into my new situation, I will feel more relaxed, more stable. Until then I walk through feeling appreciation for the comfort I now have, along with a number of other things. Although most people don’t know what to say, I am ok with that as I realize that our experiences gives us our opinions. When you don’t have the direct experience you are only guessing.

I love seeing the Donors daughter, Marinda. She is so sweet and I know so was her Mom. I do feel connected to her and want to keep in touch with her as well. It is something special to have had the opportunity to meet and know her.

So here’s to to my continuing journey, I am growing and changing and feeling blessed.